Дата публикации: 2017-11-14 18:04
While I can walk my brain through the concept, that “of course I would be happy to do something if it makes you happy”. However inside I’m in a panic, I don’t panic, never have, and now I am. I’m trying to act cool, but she can tell something is off. I cannot collect my thoughts fast enough, I’d never heard of this OMGyes, and here I am blindsided and unprepared. Despite my shock and discomfort I agree and act as cool as I can. And count the minutes until GOT comes on.
I have nothing but empathy for her. Having an ex dump you and immediately take up with someone else hurts like nothing else. Having it be the person they were cheating on you with—even though in this case that’s not what happened—is the lemon juice on the open wound for that extra kiss of eau d’ fuck you.
Well fast forward a month or less. we’re good friends, the sex is great or getting better, cuddling is on point, we’re having fun and then out of nowhere I get the “what are we?” question or worse, a profession of love.
And the best-case outcome? You and your wife will be taking your sex life together to new and awesome places and you’ll be wondering why you didn’t try it sooner.
And that’s what you really need to do, man. You need to just let go. Your wound can’t heal as long as you’re picking at the scab. You may have questions but in all likelihood, you’ll be better off to let those questions go unanswered, especially if you aren’t inclined to trust her answers.
I’m getting really frustrated. I can make acquaintance friends really easy but finding someone that can handle my personality is really rare. I know it’s nobody’s responsibility to make sure I’m not lonely, I’m happy with my life and hobbies, and my friends have people. But it still sucks and I don’t know what solution there is.
That doesn’t mean that she’s unsatisfied with you, it means she wants to see if the two of you can change things up a bit and try new techniques. Just as a cook learning how to sous-vide doesn’t mean they think their previous food is garbage, learning more about sex and orgasms and ways to achieve them doesn’t mean that your previous method was bullshit, nor does it mean that she’s dissatisfied with you. Quite the opposite, in fact.
My question to you is: can’t it be both? The fact that you were a fling doesn’t mean that it wasn’t “real.” This wasn’t random chance. She didn’t draw your name out of a hat. She didn’t spin a bottle and hook up with you because the bottle happened to be pointing your way. You met, you hung out, she clearly was into you. That was real.
But let’s put that aside, because that’s not the real issue. The real issue that seems to be weighing on you is “what does this say about you?” More to the point: were you a fling, or was it something real?
Have you and your partner attended sex workshops or lessons? Do you have a break-up etiquette story? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. And meanwhile, we’ll be back with more of your questions in two weeks.