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Why Your Team Sucks 2017: Washington Redskins - Deadspin

Дата публикации: 2017-12-07 20:37

I hope that Snyder goes to Six Flags, gets on one of his shitty rides and it malfunctions, throwing him from a very high height right onto the pavement below, hopefully landing on Bruce Allen.


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My life has included several eras of Redskins football. In elementary school and junior high, the team was mediocre at best but we had Hall of Fame offensive players such as Sonny Jurgensen, Charley Taylor and Bobby Mitchell and the losses were at least entertaining, such as 88-78.


George Allen took over, shored up the defense and the running game and wanted to win every game 67-65. Boring, but at least the ‘Skins were winning.

Even my dad, a Conservative mind you, told me years before wokedom the name is wrong because “what if they were the Blackskins, or the Whiteskins? Wouldn’t that be bad?” But now, because the name change is associated with Trump-era America, it’s a banner and a middle finger against “the elites” who think oh, I don’t know, unchecked white aggression might be a problem. Supporters of the name think they’re not racist because they saw Dances with Wolves in the theater.

No one, in any city, has problems as systemic as we do. Our stadium is a living monument to never passing an infrastructure bill ever. Our owner, my god, there’s no way to complete this sentence and to encompass what a farcical dwarfish cunt he is. He’s such a failure on every level except at delivering unto you the junk mail that made him his fortune. Everything he does is bad. Literally everything. All these other owners are evil and successful. Dan Snyder is evil and a failure.

I cannot emphasize enough how gross these people are. Allen is a boozer who doesn’t like anyone stealing credit from him, and who openly told McCloughan, “Nobody likes you in this building. Nobody wants you here.” Join us next offseason when he leaks to Liz Clarke that Jay Gruden is a crack addict. He and Snyder and Larry Michael and PR goon Tony Wyllie all deserve to rot in hell. After a cursory GM search that included mildly amusing rumored candidates like Mike Mayock, the team decided to hire from within (what a surprise!) and promote Doug Williams. And with that, Snyder’s supply of Glory Days Skins to trot out when everything is a raging tire fire has been just about depleted.

I moved to Philly from DC just over two years ago. Needless to say, I don’t broadcast my DC upbringing because I hate getting drawn into conversations about how my team sucks and how the Iggles rule. I also don’t like getting jumped any more than the average person.

**Prince George’s County may build a bike trail near the stadium. I guarantee Snyder will try to come up with a way to charge people for biking within site of the stadium on game days.

They fired their GM who promised to turn around decades of incompetence. On his way out, they smeared him as relapsing in his fight against alcoholism.