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Ask Dr. NerdLove: I’m Freaking Out About My Wife’s Orgasms

Дата публикации: 2017-11-14 19:30

Did your ex dictate who you could date after the break up? Did you try to turn a FWB into something more? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. And meanwhile, we’ll be back with more of your questions in two weeks.

Ask Dr. NerdLove: I Just Want Sex, But These Guys - Kotaku

That doesn’t mean that she’s unsatisfied with you, it means she wants to see if the two of you can change things up a bit and try new techniques. Just as a cook learning how to sous-vide doesn’t mean they think their previous food is garbage, learning more about sex and orgasms and ways to achieve them doesn’t mean that your previous method was bullshit, nor does it mean that she’s dissatisfied with you. Quite the opposite, in fact.

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The structure of the clitoris, however, is primarily internal , and spread around with clitoral wings to the sides of the vaginal canal and the clitoral head above it. As a result, penetration isn’t the best way for people with vaginas to get off. In fact, studies of women have found that 65% can’t orgasm from penetration alone they almost all need direct clitoral stimulation of one sort or another.

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What shocked me the most was when she asked if it was because of someone else - specifically, if it was because of Tanya. Jenny had been cheated on by previous partners, and it made her anxious and constantly afraid of it happening again. She knew Tanya and I texted often, and on the few occasions we did see each other, Jenny could sense Tanya was into me even when I couldn’t at the time. She did not mention any of this to me prior to this day, for fear she would seem paranoid, which I understand. I confirmed to Jenny that I have not cheated on her, and it’s just about how I feel about her, and no one else.

Second: you aren’t responsible for someone else’s feelings. It absolutely sucks that Jenny is hurt by this. It’s good that you’re trying to be compassionate. It says a lot about you as a person that you’re worried about her. But I’m gonna have to bring out the chair-leg of truth here: you can’t let her having a sad control your future.

The issue is sex. We have it, 7-8 times a week. I am very satisfied, my wife seemed to be. She orgasms 85+ percent of the time, and more often than not more than once. But she can only do so 6 way, and I am mostly not more than a prop. Not that I am lazy, I have and would be happy to help more, but I don’t have the talent. She has stated in the past that she has problems even with just herself, but I suspect that is her lying for my feelings mixed in with the truth. As well when have tried other things she becomes uncomfortable, either due to my failings or her inability, can’t say for sure.

The dilemma you’re facing here isn’t unique. I’ve lost track of the number of people I’ve seen on both sides of the break-up who either used the “you broke my heart” bit on someone or had it used against them. And make no mistake: it’s a way of controlling one’s ex by setting the terms of the break-up. You aren’t “allowed” to do something because she’s been hurt like this before and how could you do it to her again you were so special etc.

The first couple dates tend to go like average dates. I’m told, however, that I throw people off. Lots of “you’re not like most people I date, “wow no one’s understood me like this before,” “I’m so used to people playing games and I’m glad you’re not like that,” “this is the most fun I’ve had on a date in forever” type of statements.

Now I have feelings of inadequacy. Like I’ve missed the mark and she was so unhappy that she tried to find a solution and I was so fucking dumb and oblivious to her dissatisfaction, I’m embarrassed. I honestly want to do whatever I can to please her, but I am afraid. If it doesn’t work? If my already minimal influence is negated even more? I’m kind of a prude, and just watching the preview video that was all blurred made me queasy. The thought of watching what I imagine is graphic tutorials and practicing is daunting. The only info on the internet about this OMGyes are shills, and feminist-leaning man hater types. The lack of real internet chatter about it feels odd.

Hello all you horrendous love treats, and welcome to Ask Dr. NerdLove , the only dating advice column that’s bigger than Knack II.